Born into post war Britain, in north Londonâ€™s streets scarred by bombing my parents and I emigrated to a better life in Australia via a six week journey on an ex troop ship. Gender separation in cabin birthing and a life changing experience in sailing through the American Fifth fleet birthed on one of the last civilian ships through the Suez crisis. That being just one single image of confusion that endears and scars when having witnessed poverty, malnutrition and deliberate mutilation of children to allow begging, and still be a spectator to the magnificence of religious centres such as Kandi in Sri Lanka and US Naval power in Egypt.
Upon our return to Britain I was inserted into an educational system that emphasised shame in my nation, having witnessed some of the Commonwealth countries we had all but deserted by independence. Enduring continued paternal stress and discord and attended multiple schools through physical displacement of family home affecting upon and retarding basic early education and achievement of friendships.
Growth into the area of Teddy Boys then Rockers, very conscious of the Cold War and Cuban Crisis, which naivety caused me to revel in the prospect of global conflict I saw as a means to sort out the mess, instil sense of purpose and pride, and rectify the errors of criminal disposition of oppressive regimes that replaced the ultimate oppression of Nazi Germany.
The Christian ethic remained, but disappointed in later life to learn of total subservience of believers to â€˜theirâ€™ version giving basic support to the hymn. â€˜His truth is marching onâ€™; in the metal hull of a tank!â€™
To replace my sense of displacement, I joined theTerritorial Army overtwelve years. Due to loss of fingers in an accident, emphasis of service changed and I embarked upon adult tutorship of cadets. In addition, supervised the Duke of Edinburgh award scheme participation, with welcome successes.
Old fashioned sexual respect, succumbed to earthly desire and mutual loss of virginity and marriage at the age of nineteen. Having to get married (was voluntary) thus initiated my removal from paternal home into a realm of high responsibility for labour force and successful building construction, accompanied by over stretched demands for financial need to support a growing family.
Second child born soon, movement of family home to maintain employment and secure access to education during a time of massive immigrant (multi national) population that suffocated the domestic support system in the vicinity we lived.
Absolute confusion of lifeâ€™s purpose, reinforced by the death of a newly born baby, three close friends innocently murdered in criminal activity, and the beginnings of a concerted quest to simply â€˜understandâ€™
Lived in the belief of the inevitability of Orwellâ€™s â€˜Big Brotherâ€™. Recognised the power of first manifestations of global policing through American Imperialism and I fear sympathy with the prime conspiracy theory, yet now knowing the authors.
Grateful to be born into the revolutionary development, expansion and ageless joy in music that crossed all national barriers to act as a common denominator in communication between race, culture, age, religion and political expression.
Discovered the most overt national con that democracy is encompassed by individual right of vote and political privacy. Big Brother in action! Evil of greed, the abstention of global responsibility, consent of poverty, with capitalism still used as a weapon against the masses to impose will and natural assets, supporting greed and lust for global control. (Blimey, what an indictment)
Undertook many years of martial arts discipline, plus early inquisitive research in to the para normal. Discovered spirituality through numerous experiences that led me to an almost nonchalant acceptance of Spirit and a belief that why should I pursue and develop it, when it is a perfectly natural phenomenon.
Extensive study through the phenomena of â€˜Was God an astronautâ€™. Global admiration for selected cultures such as the Vikings, Asiatic India, First Nation peoples and Australian aborigines. Through misguided belief that such religious concepts were cultural developments, I pursued with energy and some acceptance of European Paganism. I recognised the multi cultural cross pollination of natureâ€™s part in global belief systems and ideologies.
Endured the trauma of a son engaged in war during the nineties, death of my closest friend, my Dad. Then witnessed the rape of all that my parents had worked forby the state to pay for elderly care and nursing for my mother.
Meanwhile, increased pressure upon material, financial provision for family, resulted in my wife of thirty four years embarking upon an orgy of loans to pay of loans which resulted in the loss of two businesses, one mortgage free home and the end of our marriage.
In the meantime she convinced all, including herself, our financial demise was based upon my extensive Militaria collection that was all fake. At least it was when she sold it, but not when I found a great part of it in dealers hands on the internet, yet never received a penny of its 95k worth.
I endured a mental breakdown that resulted in being arrested and serving a short prison sentence. This marital anarchic, demonstration of plight, manifesting no injury to any person, no breakage of any item and the severest plea for help by myself. None the less, I am ashamed to say it must have been a psychologically horrendous experience my wife and family endured, which I will always be sorry for.
I was denied three solicitors representation in effect being sacked because I would not let them do their job to look after my interests at the cost of my families. However, divorce revealed her mismanagement resulting in weekly interest demands of Â£400 to service endless loans to support a business that was untenable.
Lifeâ€™s journey has survived over fifty breaks in skeletal body, more than a hundred stitches to hold it together and the blight of long term depression. Prescribed with angina, endured two operations to remove cancer, and living on six monthly inspections in hope of continued remission. Pulmonary embolism and further hospitalisation with septicaemia, accompanied by estrangement from family, took me eagerly back to the bookshelf.
An extensive support system afforded me through friendships and five years of hell and a respect shown by others that I find puzzling and undeserved. All the time acknowledging with remorse the declaration of my new life partner, that my personality is all-consuming, enthusiasm for knowledge outweighs everything and the fearful belief that I have inherited a conscience of past lives that I desperately need to address and perhaps absolve myself of.
My biggest fault is abject synisism and am constantly reminded of this by my partner of six years that brought me back to love and self worth.