1944 D Day 6th of June â€“ The logistics effort of the largest maritime invasion force in history was truly massive, from the concealment of intent, to the deception of false information with whole army groups being witnessed mustering in the fields of Kent under the keen eye of the famous General Patton. In reality the army group consisted of little more than blow up dummies of numerous armoured vehicles and harbours full of fake landing craft.
Neat rows of military tents interspersed were interrupted only with beer tents full of raucous Yankee soldiers enjoying the local brews. Extent of this deception included instructing German spies intercepted at the very earliest stages of the war to betray their country for salvation of their lives.
Meanwhile British Commandos crept up the beaches of Normandy over the nights of June 4th and 5th to take soil and sand samples to check which were the best areas of the landing zone would support heavy armour, whilst unknown pairs of soldiers checked local hostelries for suitable ales when a bridgehead had been achieved to offer succur to weary soldiers.
Then on the evening of June 5th a glider force were sent in to secure an important bridge to prevent German reinforcements crossing the river by the oh so important CafÃ© where HQ was established as the very first French ale supplier to be liberated. This legendary action caused the bridge to be renamed Pegasus Bridge at the end of the war in respect for those lost during the engagement.
Squadrons of aircraft dropped chaff from bomb bays which were strips of aluminium, code named â€˜windowâ€™ that fooled German radar (Freya) concealing the fact that great armadaâ€™s were on the move. Major bombing raids occurred on enemy supply lines in the Falaise region designed to deceive and ensure the success of the greatest amphibious landing ever undertaken. Allied air forces, over many nights, bombed and destroyed supplies and support systems of mobility of that essential ingredient, â€˜fuelâ€™ thus serving the dual purpose of deception as well as denial. Deception however can only go so far and the truth remained that the ploy and tactic code named â€˜Operation Fortitudeâ€™ were essential to success and final victory.
Running out new beer lines for the troops.
Once a beach head had been established maintaining a line of supply, support and reinforcements were crucial to any chance of success and the speed in which these materials could be delivered to the troops was critical. The first priority was securing a safe harbor and large hollow concrete containers were dragged across the channel called Mulberryâ€™s, these were then tied and secured to allow ships to pull alongside and disembark their valuable contents.
At the same time Operation Pluto was planned with meticulous detail and was in fact a massive steel drum that floated with a central spindle or axle that ran freely to unreel its essential large hollow hose. The drum itself floated precariously and rotated to release a thick pipeline to pump fuel over the channel to supplement the thousands of gallons that would take allied forces into the heart of Germany. The drum itself was towed by groups of four dockside tugs whereby as it progressed, the rotation of the drum rolled a pipeline off its perimeter which dropped steadily onto the bottom of the channel, where its flexibility caused it to settle and ground itself ready for its essential task.
The design of the drum was true genius and its service capacity well within the needs of the volume of traffic that the European campaign would generate, after all; â€œIf you had been a British soldier at that time, would you have contemplated taking part in such a lengthy campaign knowing what poor quality beer the Europeans produced?â€ After all, there was the matter of morale and simple determination to remember one of the prime reasons for fighting this was in maintaining the English way of life. Massive generators served as part of the deception but now pumped liquid gold across the channel and then dispersal points were located at regular intervals to refuel the needs of the fighting forces that were constructed with the utmost urgency.
If nothing else the armed forces of Britain were well versed in setting up support systems to maintain momentum and after the second day with bridgehead established, allied troops were able to partake in a British Ale during off duty periods in great marquees set up along the recaptured roads of France. Their spirits resolved to success were much refreshed by the cold, golden fluids from home, and never at any time did the Germans gain any knowledge of the sheer volume of English Ale that was being pumped across the ocean to keep allied spirits so high.
How they cleaned the lines of the pipes as it pushed and pumped the English Ale across the Channel remains a secret to this day? Moreover, what would they not have done to prevent competition between the wealth of English Breweries to create a â€˜Victoryâ€™ beer to keep the troops going?
Newsreel in the cinemaâ€™s presented the image that the purpose of Pluto was to pump fuel over to feed the massive army of military vehicles on their journey into the heartland of Germany and that, as we know now is how the history books present it to the public. None had the courage to admit English ale was pumped across which kept the Allied forces going, which reminded them that the sooner they won the war, the sooner they get back to Blighty and their own local pubs. Oh yes, and some would go home to their wives!
One final, desperate push was to come out of the headquarters of the remaining German Wehrmacht on the 22nd of October 1944, a push that could only have delayed matters and one that would use resources which would have been better placed to defend them against the Mongol hordes that assailed Germany from the east.
As well as releasing their most up to date King Tiger tanks to launch themselves ferociously through the dense woodlands of the Ardennes, there were also covert actions occurring behind the lines. The most elite parachute regiment (Falschirmjager) acting as ground forces in the absence of any aircraft to convey them under the leadership of the renowned Otto Skorzeny infiltrated behind allied lines to create havoc and mayhem.
Carrying out acts of sabotage and misdirection some of these men were dressed as American GIâ€™s and had been selected for their language skills and knowledge of the States, oft gained by childhood visits or even born in the new country to migrating parents.
In particular they had heard of a special guest house on the Meuse river bridge crossing and decided to take lunch there to re-address progress and continue sabotage of a different tack.
More insidious actions included securing fuel supplies, poisoning foodstuffs and day to day requirements of denying the allies medicines and, water supplies yet stopping short of tampering with essential liquid sustenanceâ€™s taken during off duty leave.
Essential supplies were bravely defended by the 101st Airborne division in Bastogne against far superior odds but the last blitzkrieg came to a grinding halt due to the lack of fuel and superior air power, to say nothing of the stella performance played by Field Marshall Montgomery by deploying troops under his command to relieve the beleaguered Americans who had essentially been caught napping.
1945 - treachery and betrayal of the middle European nations was the price of victory over the Naziâ€™s; We had endured a war that was started to preserve the freedom of the independent nation of Poland and we had won that war at the cost of the independent freedom of Hungary, Croatia, Latvia, Estonia, Poland, Bulgaria and many more that would be swallowed up under the new formation of the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics and it seemed to any that dare remain sober, that there be some imbalance somewhere and forty odd million souls lost their lives to a cause that was already lost before it started.
Victorious archers gave this salute at Agincourt
"First drink a health, this solemn night,
a health to England, every guest;
that man's the best cosmopolite,
who loves his native ales the best.
May Freedom's malt forever live
With stronger ale from day to day;
That man's the true Conservative
Who lops the moulder'd branch away.
Hands all round!
God the tyrant's hopes confound!
To this great cause of Freedom drink, my friends,
And the great name of England buy round and round."
Â Â Â Â Â - original by Lord Alfred Tennyson
Did you know? Did you know that women flew more Spitfire hours than men? Not only that, but if they came under attack they flew with no munitions and were also prone to coming under fire from overzealous anti aircraft batteries, which to a large part, were also manned by women
1946-7 â€“ Revelations of war crimes were shocking beyond belief and the reconstruction of Europe would be an expensive time consuming effort, an effort it was deemed that should not be impaired by untenable conditions set as reparations and compensation for war loss and damage.
After the horrors were revealed that were perpetrated by the Nazi regime it might be said that revenge might feature highly in the aim of the allies. To our shame we conducted ourselves hardly better than the Naziâ€™s by imprisoning the remnants of the German armed forces and by direct policy and orders from Eisenhower, we gradually starved or neglected the basic needs of nearly one and a half million prisoners of war. Forced to live in the most basic of conditions, even denied a mere taste of their own national drink, these men perished in a slow, deliberate and painful way. Despite all protests from the Red Cross and allies to his cause, it took nearly a year to instigate the slow process of de-nazification, although rumour has it that Eisenhower refused to attend.
1948 - The Cold War starts, but by whom? We lived the first three post war years with the fear of massive Soviet armies rumbling across Europe and laying claim to the whole of Europe rather than the half of it that they were granted at the Yalta conference before the war ended. The military presence in Berlin and along the new border now occupied by the U.S.S.R. was massive and very demanding of manpower and all the support services such demands make.
As a measure of confidence in the theology of communist rule and the desire of its people to remain willing residents of its regime, the Soviet Commitern put into operation the construction of a massive wall and area of â€˜No manâ€™sâ€™ land which divided east from west. This propagated a sense of crisis in the city of Berlin that lay isolated in the new area of East Germany and troops in Berlin, reached a point of almost mutiny until the great Berlin airlift flew in supplies of British Ale to sustain their needs.
1962 - October 22, this was a day when the world stood still. The world was informed on international news that the Soviet Union was constructing missile bases in Cuba, located a mere 90 miles off the shores of Florida. This implied threat was seen as totally unacceptable by the president, John F. Kennedy. With memories of abortive maritime incursions such as the â€˜Bay of Pigsâ€™ a far less risky course of action was implemented. Demands were made to the Russian Premier Nikita S. Khrushchev to remove all the missile bases and their deadly contents, Kennedy ordered a naval blockade of Cuba in order to prevent Russian ships from bringing additional missiles and construction materials to the island to be enforced by the United States Navy.
In response to this and in the event of US forces embarking upon an invasion of Cuba, Premier Khrushchev authorized his Soviet field commanders in Cuba to launch their tactical nuclear weapons in response to any incursion should it occur.
Barrels clearly left uncovered at the front of the vessel on this Russian merchant ship.
Deadlocked in this manner, the two leaders of the world's greatest nuclear superpowers postured aggressively for a full seven days. On October 28, the Russian Premier, realized the intensity of risk at continuing his national policy and ordered all Soviet supply ships away from Cuban waters and agreed to remove all Soviet missiles from Cuba's mainland. After several days spent nervously on the brink of nuclear holocaust, the world breathed a sigh of relief.
It was little known that the arrogance of the overlords of the United States had actually discovered that the long tubular containers that were camouflaged to look like missiles were in fact barrels of English ale bound to increase the appeal of holidaymakers to invigorate tourist figures and supersede those that visited Florida. Still unable to create the amber nectar, even after threatening to refuse to enter the Second World War unless its secrets were betrayed, the poor citizens of the United States still suffered the inferior home brewed ales of their homeland.
1971- Saw a renaissance of English beers when four men from Northern England embarked upon a crusade to reinstate English Ales to their former glory and deny the insipid growth of beers such as Watneys Red Barrel that were not only taking over the market but had formerly had such a negative impact upon the moral fibre of the English speaking people.
In the true tradition of the Anglo Saxon these men established CAMRA or Campaign for Real Ale and before long pubs proudly affixed symbols of the organization outside their entrances which boasted a membership in excess of eighty five thousand and - to their credit there are now no areas of England where well-conditioned real ales are not available to the serious drinker.
1982 - Argentina has laid claim to the Islands of The Falklands for over a hundred years and tried to take them by force with a surprise landing of a far superior force than that resident on the island. The United Kingdom mustered a major military force and dispatched them with all speed across the ocean to remove the invaders. Although our services had been pre-occupied in defending a far larger civilian population in Northern Ireland, and were doing so by asking permission to return fire when coming under attack, it now seemed a puzzle that such a sizeable force, with no restrictions or limitations were embarked to save so few British Citizens on a far off provincial island. Still, they were British and the restraint in Northern Ireland might well have been to avert disturbing the natural beers and ales of the land, where as it was smaller in quantity in The Falklands. With normal resolve and the full knowledge that the only alehouses were in Port Stanley, the Royal marines affected its liberation in record time and the Argentineans were expelled.
1984 - A year to fear if you were born in the early twentieth century. This was the title of the ominous work of George Orwell, an unashamed and publicly proclaimed socialist and member of the Fabian Society, who predicted that the state would have over-riding, totalitarian control over its population in every aspect of their lives. This became known as â€˜Big brotherâ€™ and accompanied a prolific amount of conspiracy theories that rode rough shod alongside doom and gloom.
The manifestation of this belief came in detecting every movement, every transaction, political beliefs and personal aspiration the individual has.
Over 4.4 million C.C.T.V. cameras festooned lampposts as unseen eyes watched the public stagger and sway with the sheer burden of the loss of their freedom. Satellite observation and hysteria of public observation concealing the fact that few recognized it was state sponsored marketing to determine the busiest pubs and the most popular breweries. Mobile telephones were to become every persons personal extension and also the most certain way of knowing where they were, when they were there and potentially who they were with.
1991 â€“ Saw the overt launch of a decade that was to spread indefinitely toward enforced democracy superseding covert support of middle eastern regimes such as Sadam Hussein or further east with Obama Bin Laden. Long gone were the days when arms were provided in vast quantities, with training and prolific training by the CIA to lead at steady pace, the middle eastern world into more acceptable conformity with western values such as alcohol consumption, yet keeping in sight contradiction of the logical rule of allowing women to drive. Countless conspiracy theorists pronounced their horror at the loss of life in support of black gold or material worlds fuel (oil), but none dared fuss over the denial to Muslim believers to partake in consumption of the real black gold â€˜Guinnessâ€™.
Supply of sophisticated hardware to the Taliban gave them an equal footing against the Russian armed forces this may well have served to increase cold war hostility along with increased share sales within the armament industry. After years of making no progress in its campaign the Soviets cut their losses and conducted a speedy withdrawal.
This left the economics and political control in the hands of rebels and whilst none could deny the high worth of major poppy growth and drug distribution globally, it did very little to subjugate the locals to the western ideal. The Taliban became accomplished business managers and the high value crop that came from poppy growth was hardly going to be squandered on the local population- with more careful planning, alcohol could have been introduced in order to supplement local need, increase the market worth of the liquid gold and do so to pacify external interference and local demand.
One more immediate gain to the western world was in disposing of countless products with sell by dates that were incontrovertible, that being military ordinance. The decade that followed the first launch to â€˜saveâ€™ Kuwaitâ€™ proved highly economic to the western coalition, they were no longer required to dispose of tons and tons of anti human, life threatening ordinance, it had gone up in a puff of smoke, and â€“ TV airtime was much consumed at no cost to channel profits by the chaos in free programming featuring the global mayhem that was presented as an action to preserve and promote free speech and democracy.
1994 - Channel Tunnel, constructed by a descendant of William Joyce the famous quisling of WWII. His ancestor would have been proud to discover his descendant had created a direct route for hordes of barbarians to enter the country and potential raiding parties to secure English Ale.
2002 - Global terrorism offered the conspirators the opportunity to embark upon an indefinite war against an infinite number of enemies with full license to invade and dominate independent national interests to serve their own needs. This measure was seen to be extreme even by Illuminati standards, and the fact that the big four had failed to dominate the world market of beers, was not enough to initiate such extreme measures.
The decline of pseudo ales such as Watneys and Ind Coope should have been allowed to drain into the sewers quite naturally and not enforced by such extreme means. Instead we witnessed Imperialistic engagements that appeared to have global support undertaken against independent nations, but, could we justify a crusade against Muslim countries just because their religion did not allow them to consume alcohol? Of course not - a myth grew out of the mists shrouding the mountains of Afghanistan and Pakistan as an alleged safe haven for terrorists that would leave the whole world trembling, but more importantly dependant upon the global police role. But where else in the middle eastern world would democracy cast its fist? Well that remains to be seen, but religious fervor would play its part and Gods name would be evoked yet again as it had when all religious crusades began.
2007 - As a nation, we bear the responsibility of being guardians to the best beers in the world and cling on to that knowledge jealously at all costs. Until this point, this had included defensive actions against foreign aggressors from all over the globe, but now we were faced with a new challenge to our national treasure and that first hit the public theatre in a local newspaper in Kent called the Kentish Gazette.
In the issue dated 20 September 2007 on page 40, a headline read â€˜Can you shed light on â€˜UFOâ€™ spotting? In addition, a particular line gave a clue as to the impending threat might well cause national, if not international concern. It reads Sheila Turner who lives in Rough Common said, â€œIt moved past my house and went down the road to the pub (The Dog and Bear), where it seemed to stay for a bit before coming back this wayâ€ The landlord declared that neither he, nor any of his customers were aware of the incident, but then I would assume that with such advanced technology any alien incursion could easily be concealed by mimicking the characteristics of local custom.
However, as a nation we now had to consider the ramifications of alien interest in our ale and the strong possibility that they might launch some kind of action to secure its secrets for themselves. Could we bear the responsibility of an advanced civilization imposing its will on the world, at least previous aggression were globally based, but this threat was one that came from the deep unknown.
2012 - many thousands of years ago the Mayan calendar was created that predicted the world would change significantly on the event of the Winter Solstice the 21st of December and whilst scientistâ€™s have been unable to ascertain what factors they applied to base this prediction, it is of growing concern that the hop fields of Kent are beginning to ferment through over use. Should such a disaster inflict itself upon humanity then future existence would be seen as extremely bleak.
So, what sets an Englishman apart is that real ale apart from other beers is technically alive when served. Unlike lesser brews which are pasteurised after production, real ales continue to ferment in the cask or barrel after they leave the brewery. As fermentation continues, carbon dioxide is produced dissolving into the beer. For the stamp of true real ale, it should be hand-pumped as a means of delivery.
As a nation we have so much to be proud of and, should shun those that would do us down, we have never been racist and absorbed many cultures willingly over the course of time, but now successive governments impose the threat of political correctness to avert racism that is not there to speed up assimilation rather than that which is natural and all we can say in response as good English men is
â€œMineâ€™s a pint!â€
Quotes worthy of a hearty toast.
Drunk or otherwise, believeÂ it or not, you can read it.
IÂ cdnuoltÂ blveieeÂ thatÂ I cluodÂ aulaclty uesdnatnrdÂ whatÂ I wasÂ rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearchÂ at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer inÂ whatÂ oredrÂ the ltteers in aÂ wordÂ are, theÂ olny iprmoatnt tihng isÂ thatÂ theÂ firstÂ andÂ lastÂ ltteerÂ
be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you canÂ stillÂ raed itÂ wouthit a porbelm.Â ThisÂ isÂ bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but theÂ wordÂ as aÂ
wlohe. Amzanig huh?
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell
happened to your bra and panties.
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they
wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're
going to feel all day. "
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~ Henny Youngman
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."
~ Stephen Wright
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
"When we drink, we get drunk When we get drunk,
we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all
get drunk and go to heaven!"
~ Brian O'Rourke
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
~ Benjamin Franklin
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a ★★★★★★.
"Without question, the greatest invention in the
history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the
wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does
not go nearly as well with pizza."
~ Dave Barry
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them
To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
~ Dave Howell
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink
I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think
about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes
and dreams . If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out
of work and their dreams would be shattered.
Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their
dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
~ Jack Handy
The Value of Drink
And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers.
One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.
Here's how it went:
"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.